HELLENIC INTEGRATION
SOLUTIONS
OBJECTIVE
The Greek Consultant expertly implements high-impact Greek methodologies into your personal or operational framework, driving maximum Mediterranean flavor into your otherwise bland environment.
The Greek Consultant does not rely on modern, tech-driven, methods- such as spreadsheets, financial reports, customer data, or computerized anything. He dismisses this malakia and trusts his gut, which integrates generational knowledge dating back to the time of Alexander the Great with business development techniques passed on by Apollo himself.
SERVICES
General Hellenization Services
Conflict Creation
Premium Basketball Handicapping
Culture Auditing
Complaining (Hourly Rate)
CASE STUDIES
“The Casual Greek“ Restaurant, NYC
Lamb Burger
Maximized overall Greekness with flag toothpick so it doesn’t get confused with a regular American Burger.
Exterior Paint
Increased foot traffic and announced to the neighborhood that we are Greek by painting the exterior “Aegean Blue”.
Mati Donut Special
Developed a limited “evil eye” donut as a delicious way to ward off toxic envy from competitors. It didn't work- they are still envious of us.
Social Media
Screenwriting, directing, costume design, lemon inspecting, and premium talent for multiple social media advertisements.
PROVEN PERFORMANCE
“I have no idea what he does.”
- Minas G.
Manager,
The Casual Greek
“He is a real character…”
- Jose
Bartender,
The Casual Greek
“I don’t think that guy is actually Greek.”
- George
Owner,
The Casual Greek
*** THIS PAGE WAS CREATED AS A WORK OF PARODY ***
THE “GREEK CONSULTANT“ IS A FICTIONAL CHARACTER AND DOES NOT OFFER ANY ACTUAL SERVICES